You wouldn't know it, but I have a special gift. Very special indeed.
A gift that can take your breath away, make you gasp in surprise while at the same time make you thankful you don't have this particular gift.
You see, I make really awkward jokes. The kind that make people stop and stare. The kind that make people wonder just where this train wreck will end.
The kind where Mr. Potts stares at me in disbelief, just wondering when I'll pick up on the fact that I've completely swallowed my foot.
Let's back up, shall we. Because to appreciate this wonderful gift, you truly need a good example.
I went to a wedding shower last weekend. The kind where it is mostly family and a few friends. I knew all of the local girls there. The only one I hadn't met before was the maid of honor. She seemed nice enough at the shower.
That evening, Mr. Potts and I went to the bride to be's house to hang out with our friends. We enjoyed talking to the maid of honor. She seemed nice & likes animals (big plus in our book).
Towards the end of the night, I asked the maid of honor about her hands (they're red, no reason why, just red like they're inflamed) & this train jumped right off the proverbial tracks.
Now, my question was in no way meant to be rude or malicious, I just was concerned - so the question went like this. "Maid of Honor, your hands are red, are you ok? Did you maybe have an allergic reaction to something? I've got some Benadryl if you need it."
Now granted, I might have avoided the question during the shower, but I think with the drinking she had done (which was A LOT) they may have been more red & much more noticeable.
My concern didn't go over so well, to say the least.
She promptly sat on her hands & yelled about how her hands have always been like that & that we must think her a freak. Both Mr. Potts & I reassured her that wasn't the case, that we thought she was great.
She continued to freak out about her hands - increasing in intensity as we tried to reassure her.
This is when my special talent was revealed as I tried to make an awkward situation better by making really awkward jokes.
I told her that if it was me, I'd tell people my hands were "on fire" (imagine the fire being said in a really exaggerated way)- yeah, I know, not really sure where that one came from... Let's just say it didn't go over so well?
Did I stop?
Surely you know the answer to that question.
Of course not. Why stop when you've just made things awkward, but are convinced that you can make it better by telling more jokes?
And so I continued.
With, "I'd tell people I'm so hot I'll burn them," together with my licking my finger, touching my arm & making a sizzling sound.
Are you cringing yet?
I am, just remembering it.
Then it continued with the fire gun hands where I would "shoot" fire from my hands as I took aim all around the room.
I think Mr. Potts almost walked away when I started juggling the "fire" balls in my hands.
All in the attempt to make things better.
Needless to say, we now have a key phrase.
As in, when Mr. Potts is watching me at my best, he'll mention how he thought he heard THUNDER.
Hope it never happens when it is raining outside. I may not get that hint. Who knows what could happen the next time!
Anyone else out there with this special talent?