Thursday, March 5, 2009

Follow up to yesterday's question

I thought more and more about what I wrote yesterday and kept feeling that something was missing from the post. The more I thought about it, I realized that I had short-changed you all. Let me explain...
My sweet niece really is that. A sweet loving girl who wants desperately to please and be loved. She is the first to greet me when I walk into my mom's. She is the first to want hugs and kisses and she is the last to wave me off. When I call my mom, she always wants to talk and tell me about her day.

My nephew is just precious. The most loving little boy who really is getting the shaft due to the situation with his parents. Often he'll say, "Hold. Hold," while he lifts his arms for me to cuddle him. When we're cuddled, he is content to stay like that for a long time.

I love them both so much. Mr. Potts and I try hard to be the best influence that we can for them as we realize that we may be the only couple that they see in a loving relationship. I spend as much time with them and make sure to do extra, special things so that they'll know my love. We've taken trips to the zoo (Sweet Niece and I are going in March). My niece comes over to spend the night and we bake cookies. She loves going to church with Mr. Potts and me. I promised to take her for her first trip to the beach this year and on her first airplane ride - I'm thinking a short trip to Atlanta to go to the aquarium.

I'm not telling you this to show what a good aunt I am. I think I'm trying to tell you how much I love them and want to take care of them. It infuriates me (which is the nicest word I can come up with) that their parents seem to take no notice of the fact that they are children and need their unconditional love and guidance. They need to be cherished. It makes me mad beyond belief that there are people who would love them and cherish them as all children deserve to be - those couples who face an agonizing realization that their lives may not be blessed with their own children, but who would take these babies in a heartbeat and love them as raise them - yet these two parents of these wonderful children don't. I hate that my ex-sister in law uses them as pawns and that my niece begs for her attention and love. Who should have to beg their mother to want to do things with them??

Add to this the fact that my mother is stepping back and completely raising her two grandchildren when she should be enjoying her retirement. Instead, she spends her time raising these babies. She feeds and clothes them, she tries to teach them numbers and letters, she worries that she won't have enough money to take them to the doctor when they're sick.

I think the worst part of this is that my brother doesn't seem to see a problem with this. It enrages me that he would treat his own mother this way.

Maybe this wasn't so much about short-changing you all, but more about trying to explain why my first reaction to my niece's question the other day was such a harsh one. I don't want to be harsh, I want to be the loving aunt that these blessings need.


Barb said...

Thank goodness for you and your mom, they are blessed to have you....Barb

Whitney said...

I completely understood what you were saying.
You are a great aunt!

Undomesticated Newlywed said...

You have absolutely no idea how much I can relate to this post and your previous one. We have the exact same situation in our family. All that I can do is show my niece and nephew how much I love them and how much my husband and I want them to be a part of our lives. We're having them over for a "family" weekend in April...just the four of us!

I 100% understand where you are coming from and feel some comfort that I am not the only one that deals with a situation like this.

Anonymous said...

Wow, thanks for your honesty, I appreciate hearing it. I totally agree and empathize with your point. How you feel is very valid and it's a shame that other people do not recognize their behaviors. I'm glad the kids have you and Mr. Potts, it sounds like y'all have a good time together!

USCEmily said...

The end of March should be great weather (sometimes it is unpredictable, but overall nice!). I think the zoo would be an awesome outing for a 5 year old. She will be amazed. Riverbanks is wonderful and has so many different things to enjoy.
There are tons of places to eat out at Harbison Blvd. that would be kid-friendly...I know how picky kids can be! There's not much right around the zoo unless you count Waffle House (just kidding).
Harbison has every chain restaurant you can think of- Applebee's, Ruby Tuesday, Chili's, Olive Garden, Outback, Macaroni Grill, Carrabba's, O'Charley's, Copper River, Bonefish and plenty of fast food.

However, if you want to come into downtown & the Vista, which is just a short trip from the Zoo, there are some great restaurants, too. They've got Carolina Ale House (also at Harbison), Wild Wing Cafe (also at Harbison), Blue Marlin, Liberty Taproom, Mellow Mushroom, Five Guys (Harbison has this too) and plenty more.

I guess it depends on where you are coming from, what time of day you plan to eat, etc. If you email me at I can give you suggestions that are more tailored to fit your needs and desires!!

Pink Pearls & Muddy Sneakers said...

Oh, my heart is breaking for all of you. They are so lucky to have you.

Anonymous said...

You are such a good aunt. I hope to be the same someday. Your niece and nephew are so blessed to have you, Mr. Potts, and your mother in their lives.

Becoming A Mrs. said...

My sister is the exact same way. My beautiful five-year-old niece lives with my parents, and she takes up time with her when it's convenient or when she wants to "show her off." I take up time with her whenever I can, and she is ten times more likely to agree to go home with me for the night than with her own mother. In five years, she has spent two nights with her mother, those two nights being nights my mother was in the hospital.

I just think about how many memories she is missing out on...