Monday, March 9, 2009

Why would she think this is ok?

Mr. Potts and I spent Saturday in the sunshine. Gotta love those high 70 days. We met our core group of friends out early Saturday afternoon for some beers, pizza and sunshine...ok, I had a salad. In our group of friends, most people are already married or paired up with a significant other. Only one couple has a child, which I have to tell you was an "oops" on their part. She was the most miserable mother to be because she didn't want to be pregnant & they had originally not planned on having children for a long time. She would tell you herself that she hated it.

In our group, we haven't publicly declared that we aren't going to have children. It isn't a conscious thing, but we haven't been asked about it yet. Apparently, however, Mr. Potts was asked on Saturday when we were going to start having children. We just smiled and he answered, "We're not." At which point, I would think the conversation would be over. Or perhaps some questions about why (which I still don't really think is appropriate). Yet the first thing out of our friend's mouth was, "You're missing out." This is when I shook my head & looked around expecting her to be speaking to the three headed monster behind me.

Seriously? Really?? We're making an informed decision together not to have children. What if our reasoning was that we couldn't? Would she still have said that?

I could look at her & tell her that she & her husband are going to be missing out. I just smiled & told her "We'll be ok - plus it is so much easier to be around kids and then get to go home."

16 comments:

Mojito Maven said...

oh man. i totally hear you on this. i get asked these questions ALL THE TIME. I am so over it. I'm happy that we're childfree...ugh, people can be so rude!

d.a.r. said...

I want nothing more to be a mother. But, that is my personal decision and I get REALLY offended when people question me about it. So, I totally understand where you are coming from. It is NONE of their business!! I have a girl friend who just doesn't want kids. So I just tease here that she can come spoil and babysit mine. I definitely don't make her feel stupid about it, just like she doesn't question my desire to birth a small basketball team.

Some people are SO rude!

Island Girl said...

You're not the first person I've read that has had this problem! Why are people so opinionated?!

Kristen said...

Ha Ha your answer was perfect.

Just because you CAN have kids doesn't mean you SHOULD have kids
(not that you guys wouldn't be good parents but not all parents should be parents)

The George Family said...

Not ok. I have no idea why people feel like they have to tell you their opionions on "family". I am a pretty young mom (at 26) with a 1 year old, and we plan to have three or four kids, and people want to tell us all the time that it will be "hell" and we won't be able to handle it. How does anyone know what is right for you and your husband. I like the answer you gave, but thought the answer you were thinking would have been funnier.

Tales From My Empty Nest said...

That is certainly your decision. Have a great week. Love & blessings from NC!

*Kimmie* said...

I'm so relieved to read a few blogs recently regarding this issue. I have also made a choice to not have children for many many reasons. I've been set in stone on this since I was just a little girl. Everyone just sighs and tells "don't worry, you'll change your mind." I'm not worried, and why can't people just support my decision as much as I support their decision to bring a child into the world. I feel for you!

brown eyed girl said...

i think that's perfectly fine, your choice entirely! i mean, i cannot lie and say i'm taken aback when someone tells me, but at the same time, what's for me might not be for you and that's totally a-okay! i think that it's rude when people presume and subsequently make negative comments about your decisions. that's not a very friendly way to behave!

Good Gals Inc said...

I can't believe that someone would say that to you. It's like they need to mind their own business. RUDE!

New Girl on Post said...

I think you summed it right up when you said, "what if we said we couldn't have children?"

Why people think it's ok to say things like that when you've made the decision NOT to have children is beyond me. It's your decision and your life. Not theirs.

Air Force Wife said...

Your decision! Not anyone else's! People just don't think sometimes! I think it is ok to ask a couple if they are going to have kids but you should be really good firends with them before hand because it is a big decision for any couple and if you don't know who your dealing with or how they will take it, then the question does not need to be asked!!!

Lori said...

Great answer! People are rude. After I had my daughter people would ask me when was I going to another. It's like I'm not. One is plenty.. Then people would start prying more. Just rude..

Shea said...

Wow. My friend said this to our group not that long ago and some friends said some blunt things. I think its better to make the decision to not have kids then have them and decide you don't want them. Kids aren't for everyone.

Pink Pearls & Muddy Sneakers said...

Not only is that comment entirely illogical (this hypothetical unwanted child would be the one missing out, really), it is plain old WRONG and ALSO HORRIBLE. Maybe you could never hang out with this person again? What is wrong with people!?

Pink Pearls & Muddy Sneakers said...

ps by "that comment," i meant the comment that person made to you about missing out. I agree with everyone else's comments on your blog.

:)

Just wanted to be clear!

Shasta said...

WOW. People never fail to surprise me. How rude. My bff is 38 and has no intentions of ever having children, I respect that and quite honestly, wish that I knew myself that well.

God bless you girlfriend, your life is your life and none of your friends business. My theory about people like this is that misery loves company. HA!