Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Reason for my Prayer Request

One of my earliest memories as a small child are of my step-father, my brother's dad. The memory is not a happy one. It was my birthday and my mom had just finished putting together my big, pink Barbie house. I was so excited and played with it as long as she would let me. When we were getting ready for bed, there was a pounding on the door. It was my step-father, drunk and angry and wanting to be let in. My mother called the police - as did several neighbors. We had to leave the house to go to my grandparents, I think so my mother could feel safe. He appeared at the backseat car door, crying and upset.

That is all I can remember of that time. There were others and I know my mother protected us from the brunt of his anger, taking it all herself. She told him to leave and eventually he did.

Not only was my step-dad a drunk, but he was a mean, violent, selfish drunk. There were times when the only money left in the house was enough to buy a loaf of bread, a carton of eggs and some milk - food so that she could feed her two children. She came home too many times to find the money gone, replaced instead with beer. Usually with him so drunk that he passed out on the floor or in the shower.

He was eventually out of our lives. She requested no child support so that we would not have to be exposed to his drunkenness, his meanness, his violence.

Fast forward to today. My brother is an alcoholic. He is a drunk and would rather spend his extra money on beer rather than putting it aside for his children. He is a mean drunk and his rage is one of the most frightening things I've ever had directed at me. I can only imagine what it is like living with it - as my mom and my niece and nephew are. He has punched holes in walls, ripped towel racks off of walls, kicked doors in. You name it, he's probably done it.

My mom is so scared of him, because for a while, he was doing so good & wasn't drinking. That ended about a month ago. His girlfriend is probably leaving soon - which is best for her, because no woman should ever be scared of the man they love.

When she leaves, she then leaves my mom alone with the children and their violent, drunk father. And she is scared. Scared of how he may hurt her. And he might. She is scared to tell him to get out as it may end in violence. She is scared of what her grandchildren are going to know about their father. Not a loving, proud father, but a drunken, violent one.

She is also scared that my brother may hurt himself. Many of you know that alcoholism and depression go hand in hand. In this case, it is definitely true. My mom is scared that her youngest child who is so depressed may end up killing himself.

I'm scared for my mom. I listen to her. I try to take her away from the situation, but she hates to go home - to her own home because she is scared. She's never been good at confrontation, but this is one that she is going to have to face. I don't know how to help her. I don't doubt that if I confront my brother, I may become the target of his violence.

My Mr. Potts is so kind and gentle. He loves my mom and the children. He is kind to my brother when we see him, but he despises how he is tearing this family apart. He has even offered to have my mom & the children come and stay with us. Not that we have the room, but because he knows how scared she is.

So thank you for your prayers you sent up yesterday. If you think about us in the next few days/weeks/months, please send up more.


Anonymous said...

Oh Mrs. Potts, I am so sorry to hear that. I've experienced and witnessed something similar in my past and know how scary, frustrating, heartbreaking, and angry the whole stituation can make you. I will say a prayer for your brother's recovery, for the safety of your family, and their well-being. I hope you and Mr. Potts are alright and seeking comfort through one another.


Mrs. Stilettos said...

Oh Mrs. Potts my heart just hurts for you and I just want to give you a hug. I know it took a lot for you to share that with us and I am so glad you did. You have no idea how many of us can relate to that...but we do not share it with the world. You and your mother are two strong incredible women and I know that you are what is keeping this family together. Those children are being shown what real love is - what real dedication and parenting is as you stand by them.

Would it be possible to have the kids come with your Mom and have a "Auntie Camp" this summer at your house? I know it might be tight for space and it won't be easy with your working schedules but it would give you all a peace of mind - for the moment...

I promise to keep you in my heart and prayers. Hang in there...we are all here with you!

Pink Pearls & Muddy Sneakers said...

My thoughts, prayers, and hopes are with you - I hope some miracle of a solution presents itself for you & your mom.

Whitney said...

I am so sorry your family is facing this. I am praying for you and for your mom, your brother & those precious children. They are lucky to have you and Mr Potts in their lives.

Southern Bride To Be said...

How sad, I will say a prayer!

*Kimmie* said...

Terribly sorry to hear this. Of course your family will be in my thoughts and prayers!

USCEmily said...

What a difficult situation you are dealing with. My thoughts and prayers go out to you as you and your family try to figure out the best way to handle this situation.

The Pink Chick said...

You and your family are definitely in my thoughts and prayers! Those children are so lucky to have you and your husband and your mother!

New Girl on Post said...

I am so sorry that you and your family are dealing with this. NO ONE should have to deal with this. I pray your brother finds his way out of this and that your family can heal.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that you have these problems in your family. It makes me sad and breaks my heart. You and your family are in my prayers!