Monday, February 23, 2009

I'm disappointed in myself.

I have been very honest with myself about my health goals and weight loss goals. I know that I love food. I mean, I can sniff in a kitchen & pick out different spices. I can almost taste things when the aroma is strong. Knowing how much I enjoy food, I decided to start a food diary. It was so eye opening! I often will snack the most at work & the other major time is when I'm bored. This does not assist in my weight loss goals.

I've also been getting up at 4:40 am every day during the week to get to the gym by 5am so I can have plenty of time to get in both cardio & weights. So far the scale has not budged. I want to cry each time I step off of it, but I don't. I keep telling myself that this is a challenge for me. I'm very competitive, even with myself. I can do this!

This last week while in Vermont, I was exhausted. We left the hotel by 7am most mornings and didn't get back until about 8pm. I did not work out the entire time I was there. It was such an overwhelming week that the thought of working out at 9pm (after we'd eaten dinner) just did not appeal - plus the fact that any exercise after 8pm tends to keep me up forever. I mean, I set the alarm, but I just didn't get out of bed.

So I'm disappointed in myself. I want to be healthy. I want to lose weight. I want to lift like I used to be able to.

What I reminded myself yesterday was that we all experience setbacks. A setback doesn't mean failure, it doesn't mean give up. It tells me to take a look at what I did (or in this case didn't do) and figure out what happened to cause it.

I think that God leads us to these challenges. I also think that he is our head cheerleader and often is that force we feel beside us when we are struggling to get out of bed, or finish that last mile or even to turn away from the bacon cheddar peanut butter burger (yeah, I've got a major craving).

What challenges are you facing right now? What do you do to help you through them?


Anonymous said...

I am in the same boat. It is so hard to stay on track with the eating and exercising. I feel like I struggle with it on a daily basis. However, I remind myself that, despite the lack of working out today, it is always there tomorrow. I try to not beat myself up and keep my eye on the prize. I know I'm going to have bad days and good days, and I know that in the end, each day that I wake up and try my best, that's all I can do. We're our own worst critic, that's for sure!

I think you're doing amazingly wonderful and I hope that a week off will do wonders for your soul as you ease back into working out this week!


littlesack said...

I struggle with this too. It is unbelievably frustrating.

I started a food journal about month ago and so far, its been really helpful. I snack a lot too, so now I pack my snacks so that it is controlled. I've also focused on eating way more veggies. I always ate a lot of fruit, but it is higher in calories than veggies b/c of the sugar. So instead of bringing a baggie of pretzels, I bring a bag of chopped up peppers and mushrooms.
The only other help I can offer is: don't just keep a food journal, but count calories and try to keep them below a number (1500 or 1200?). it will be hard at first, but then you will alter your choices to pick more filling foods and healthy foods.

Whitney said...

I am right there with you! My problem is being disciplined enough to go workout, etc. It amazes me how I can be so super disciplined at other things but this I just am not. Thank you for posting this. Thank you for sharing what you are thinking and feeling, even in your time of struggle. You will make it - and it will be so worth it!

littlesack said...

so, i just had another thought about this.

You just increased your lifting regime right? Like--you are making more time to lift? Not seeing your numbers go down might have something to do with this. You might be gaining more muscle, so you are looking better, but weighing more.

Also, could you be plateauing? like, do you have the same regime at the gym? If so--think about switching it up. taking classes or using different lifts to target the same muscle groups.

i dunoe, just wanted to throw it all out there

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the kind words on my blog! I would love to enter your giveaway and I am becoming a follower right now!
There does seem to be a lot of speed bumps right now. I think "winter blues" might have a little something to do with it.
I am never motivated to work out or get up that early! I think it is so amazing that you are dedicated to getting up and getting to the gym! Major props to you!

SassyEngineer said...

I am struggling in the same way! I want to be healthy and work-out, but I can't seem to get past the two week mark (sad, I know). I do great for two weeks, and then something happens. I also start out the week eating pretty well, but I get busy and lazy towards the end. We just have to keep trying though!

Island Girl said...

Oh girl, I fell ya! People just don't realize how weight loss is not only a physical but a mental thing as well - I'm just know starting to get that aspect.

Right now I'm focusing more myself in a mental way and hoping the physical will get back on track if I don't obsess over it. I try to do something for myself everyday, even if it's just reading a chapter in a book or sitting with a cup of tea. I also started a devotional that I'm in LOVE with!

Good luck to you! You have the right mindset so it is just a matter of time before the body catches up!

Jennifer said...

When I face a challenge I usually go for a jog. It helps me think and approach life rationally. But sometimes I just can't get motivated to get myself out the door to do it. When I can't get motivated I mix up a little energy shake. When you have so much energy that you can't sit still you will feel up to doing just about anything!

Abbie said...

A food diary is a great start. It's amazing what you don't think about... a bite here, a bite there. One thing to remember, the scale may not always be your best gauge. How do your clothes feel on you? Often, when you're working out, you will not see the scale move, but you're losing inches and your clothes fit better. Keep up the good work, and don't let setbacks get to you!